Even though most of us come to Zero Hedge to learn, laugh, share and even rant, ultimately many of us are all alone as we cope with our awakening. While Tyler & Company do an excellent job deconstructing the insanity, rarely is our day to day emotional and psychological battering discussed. Most of us long for someone we can talk to and learn from without being judged or ridiculed. I offer the following occasional series as a small step in that direction.
This is the first in a series of fictional explorations into an individual’s awakening to the suddenly unfamiliar world around and within her while still engulfed by the day to day insanity. These short stories in letter form are intended for the more sensitive and inquisitive reader who wishes to look more deeply within and explore in depth their beliefs and perceptions and how they can cope with a world gone frighteningly mad. It is the author’s hope to accomplish this by way of an intimate and revealing first person correspondence between two long time friends as they discuss their ongoing trials, tribulations and revelations.
Please accept my apology for my tardy response to your letter of last week. While normally I’m quite prompt with my response (for I do love our conversations) the intensity of your distress set me back on my heels and I needed to pause and reflect for a bit before answering. Clearly you are experiencing tremendous loss and grief and I felt compelled to address this straight away.
But I also heard desperation in your voice and before I wrote back I needed to take a few days to reflect and remember what that chaotic period of time was like for me. You asked me to respond from the heart so to do anything less would be a disservice to both of us.
While I do have some experience with the road you’re now traveling I’m not sure how much I can help you since it’s no longer that fresh in my mind. On the other hand I do have a propensity to revisit the insanity every now and then, mostly because I tend to cling to that part of me I jettisoned so many years ago. Like a nagging itch or sharp pain emanating from a long ago amputated limb, at times it still feels as real today as it did back then.
Can you ever truly break free from something that was an integral part of you and nearly drove you insane, in factdid drive you insane? I think not, at least not quickly. In cases like this one can only hope that time truly does heal our wounds. But equally important we must also be proactive in purging the dysfunction from our mind and body.
Like you, while at the time I claimed to be willing, I really didn’t want to wake from my denial. Hell, to be perfectly honest I didn’t even know what that meant since I already thought I was wide awake. And near the end, when I could no longer remain asleep, I desperately hoped someone else would step up and absolve me from the moral obligation to walk the talk and take a stand. To this day I’m still a bit frightened by the perceived burden, which seems to never end and only grows bigger with time. Why did it have to come down to this? Why couldn’t ‘they’ be reasonable and not push it so far?
I’ve always wanted to believe people were basically good and honest. Isn’t that what everyone says is true? Sadly it is just another conditioned cultural belief dashed upon the rocky shore of our formerly sheltered life. Even after all these years, deep down inside I still wish that were true. But of course it is not, at least not for the one percent who rule the world and for the most part the next twenty percent who support them.
Read the whole thing here...